Hatori's Hidden Heartache
by Mokimo
Summary: Hatori self-mutilates in his depression and Shigure is there to comfort him, now and in the future. Feel free to skip chapters 1-3, the editing is worse than toddlers'. Akito/Shigure/Hatori, AyamexMine. Main story updated: 06/2008. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL UP!
1. Admitting the Truth

Well, I wrote the beginning of this awhile back and just started re-working it…who knows why? I'm not sure where it's going, but I feel that it will become one of my better fanfics. I am looking for views/opinions on the Shigure+Ayame relationship as well as the Mabudachi Trio relationship. If you would like to help out w/that or have suggestions for the story, please e-mail me at I warn everyone that my e-mail's been on the fritz lately, but I hope to receive your comments!

Ayame called me yesterday. He caught me at a time when I was unwell. I was vomiting and even crying, which is quite unlike me. I must say I'm surprised at myself. When he called I was feeling very ill and was not in the mood to talk. I know that Aya does not have the capacity for seriousness most times and I was not prepared for any of his antics that day. I told him right out that I didn't have time for nonchalance and needed seriousness. Moreover, I told him that out of him and Shigure, only Shigure could be somewhat serious while Aya could hardly ever be serious at all. I was hoping that this would convince him to hang up and leave me alone. Unfortunately he just said "If you need to talk to Gure then, by all means, do so."

I heard the shuffling of the phone being thrown and soon identified Shigure's voice saying, "Hatori?" I tried to respond, but ended up vomiting yet again. The tears were still slowly streaming down my face. "Hatori?" Shigure asked, "What's wrong? This…this isn't about Kana-Chan is it?" "No." I replied. "Then is this," Shigure continued, "what you were talking to me about earlier?" Suddenly I lost control, "I just don't understand how anyone could love me I..." Shigure told me to stop but I kept going, "No, listen! I don't know how anyone can love me when I'm so pathetic. There...there's just something in me that just won't let me show my true self to anyone. I try but I just...not even with you two. The real me is even more serious and loves books and...but I always stayed in my room reading. I was all alone; I had friends but hardly ever saw them."

"Hatori," Shigure started, trying to stop me. I don't know why I kept talking. I didn't think he would understand, but for some reason I was beyond controlling myself. "I try so hard to be myself but I'm always a different person depending on who I'm with. I just subconsciously fear that if I don't act more relaxed or like the people I'm with at the time they won't accept me. I'm being torn...I don't know who the real me is anymore and yet I still hate myself...I just!" "Hatori," Shigure broke in, "Hatori, the things we were talking about earlier…I mean, you didn't…you couldn't have…you didn't…hurt yourself…did you?" I paused. "Hatori? Hatori?" Shigure asked, almost frantically. "N..No" I answered. "Hatori, tell me the truth!" he demanded. "...Yes," I started, "I saw the razor in the shower and brought it up to my arm. I was so afraid, but yet I brought it closer and closer...and then, I cut my arm. It hurt; I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I was so frightened--so afraid of what I what else I could do to myself. But the pain helped ease the pain of hating myself and all my selves. It helped curve the nausea that came with even thinking about myself and how pathetic and useless I am. So I brought the razor up to my arm and cut it again and again..."

"Hatori!" Shigure screamed, frightened, "Aya and I are coming over right now! Right now! Did you hear me?" "The others in the house, especially Akito, would be disturbed by your abrupt showing up and wouldn't let you stay long." I replied calmly. "Heh," Shigure started, "you think I care? I'm coming right now." "Shigure," I started. "Yes?" he answered. "Shigure, please try to make it here on time." "On time?" he questioned, I ignored him. "I still have some love for life, as well as for you and Ayame." With that, I hung up the phone and picked up the small hand gun I had lying on the floor next to my bed. As soon as I brought it up to my head, my hands trembling, Shigure and Ayame barged into the room.

"But…but how?" I started, as Shigure ripped my gun out of my hands. "Well," Ayame started quite calmly, "We did speed. Now tell me Ha-San…why would you ever think of doing such a thing to yourself? After all, your life is worth far more than mine." I didn't answer; I just looked up at him. "Well that and we were nearby anyway." Shigure continued, "We were calling from a cell phone because we were going to come and visit you anyway." "I…I…" I stumbled to find a response. "Speechless, huh?" Shigure asked. He then turned to Ayame. "Aya, why don't you let me talk to Hatori for awhile alone?" "You won't cheat on me with him, will you Gure?" Ayame responded. "How could I cheat when I have someone as precious as you?" Shigure retorted. Honestly, I don't know why I put up with those two. Sometimes they disgust me.

Ayame left the room and Shigure looked up at me. He glanced up and down, taking me in. My arms were still bloody as I had not bothered to bandage them. My face was wet with tears and vomit. "Well Hatori," he began, "I think we'd better talk." I didn't say anything. "Now, where'd you put that medicine bag of yours?" he asked, searching through my things. "Why?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He turned to me with the most serious expression I have ever seen him give. "You know perfectly well why," suddenly his face was normal again, "you have to bandage up your arms silly! That blood is so appalling! Gross, gross!" he finished, waving his hand in the air. I glanced down at my arms. The blood did not seem disgusting to me, in fact, I kind of liked it. However, Shigure was destroying my room in search of my medical supplies so I grabbed my bag from where it lay near me and began to bandage up one of my arms. It was hard to do it myself, but there was no way I was letting him do it.

Soon Shigure knelt down close to me and I looked up. He knelt in and our lips touched gently, we parted. He then sat down and began talking to me and he wasn't overly serious, like me, but just himself. I don't think he realized it, but he made me see that I have reasons to live yet—him being one of the most important ones. I will keep on living longer, even if it means doing so just to make sure none of my friends make the same mistakes. Shigure says I should live for myself and not others, but in a way I think I'm doing that. Helping the other juunushi and Tohru-Kun makes me feel better about myself. They have all helped show me that I do still want to live. I feel that deciding to live after the things I have done to myself is selfish, but Shigure was angry at me when I mentioned this. "Well be selfish then!" he scolded me; "If you didn't have some selfishness in you I wouldn't be able to be friends with you." I just smiled faintly at this.

As Ayame rejoined the room, I realized that I still had reasons to live; I still had purpose in life. I may lose sight of it sometimes, but it is always there. As Shigure, Ayame, and I started to fall asleep in my newly destroyed room, I felt less pain, less disgust, and more happiness. I knew now that I wanted to keep on living and keep them both close to me as long as I could.

Official End of Chapter One

Words from the author: No, depression and suicidal thoughts can't be cured in a day. Hatori is not cured completely—he will still have struggles, but at least now he has more determination and vigor for life.


	2. A Hidden Love Blossoms

_Chapter two…sorry this took so long to write…I have been so bogged down…but finally my mind was like "get on this!" I hope you aren't disappointed by the results…I'm afraid it's kind of sickening…_

I open my eyes slowly…look to my left, where Shigure is…then look to my right, where Ayame is. After a few minutes of confusion, I realize why we are all on the floor, sleeping together. The events of the night before come rushing back to me. I look down to my arms. I had not bandaged them very well, and with the tossing and turning of the night, the bandages came undone. Shigure, Ayame, and I have blood all over each other. Slowing Shigure wakes up.

"Good morning, Ha-San." He looks down at his side, my arms, and Ayame's side. "You made quite a mess didn't you?" … I do not give him a reply. Shigure gets up, stretches, and yawns. He gives me a queer look…he must be remembering our kiss from the last night. "Shigure," I start. He shakes his head slowly and walks over to Ayame, shaking him awake. "Aya, time to wake up!" Ayame rolls over, refusing to rise. Shigure pauses for a moment, thinking of what to do, and then roughly grabs me with a sly grin on his face. "Well, Aya, if you don't wake up, Ha-San and I will just have to shower without you." I don't know why, but I blush violently. Are these two having an effect on me?

"You wouldn't!" Ayame screams, jumping up in an instant. "Psych!" Shigure tells him, with a wink at me. Ayame then notices that we are all covered in blood. "Off to the shower, my mabudachi!" Shigure winks at me again, as Ayame pulls us both into the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Shigure locks the door with a flourish. "We want some private time, don't we?" he asks. They begin to undress and I look away. What am I to do with these two? A naked Shigure walks up to me and strokes his hand against my cheek. "What's the matter, Ha-San? You have more blood on you than me and Ayame combined. Into the shower you go!"

"You two have your fun," I retort, "I'm just fine." "Oh no, you're not!" Ayame concludes with passion, "now are you going to undress yourself or shall we do it for you?" I stand firm, and to my great surprise, Ayame and Shigure walk up to me and begin undressing me! "J…Just what do you think you're doing!" I scream, as they push me into the shower. "We warned you fair and square, Ha-san." Ayame replies, "Now let's wash off all this icky blood so that I can make us my special tea!" I give in. What other choice do I have? Shigure and Ayame seem incapable of listening to reason.

After only a moment in the shower, Shigure and Ayame begin playfully splashing. Why wasn't I expecting this? I sigh, and they both turn to splash me. I let this continue for a few moments, allowing my temper to rise. Finally I turn around and splash them both in their faces! Maybe this will stop their shenanigans.

Unfortunately, this only encourages them more. We begin a battle of the splashes! It is actually beginning to get, dare I admit, fun, when we hear a knock on the door. "Hatori-Sensei, are you in there?" It is one of the household maids. Akito must be sick again. "Yes, he is!" Shigure answers happily. What did I do to deserve him?

"It's Hiro-Kun," the maid continues, "He has a slight cough." Ah, so it isn't Akito. I'm in luck…this time. "Could he wait?" Ayame questions, "Ha-San is a bit, ahem, under the weather at the moment." I give Ayame my best glare. "We're comforting him in his hour of need." Ayame finishes.

"O…oh, I see." the maid replies, and we hear her walk away. Shigure and Ayame start chortling. "What was that about?" I question. "Well, you can't expect to go treat Hiro-Kun when your arms are bleeding like that." Shigure reasons. What am I saying? Shigure…reason? What is this world coming to?

I look down at my arms. It has been a day since I cut them and they are beginning to look infected. Shigure and Ayame exchange glances. Shigure turns off the water, Ayame wraps me in a towel, and they begin to dress. With his back turned to me, Shigure says, "We're going to have to take you to a hospital, Ha-San." "You will do no such thing!" I yell, seeping out more emotion than I should allow. Shigure finishes zipping his pants and then turns to me. I'm surprised that he is, for once, not wearing a yukata. It's been so long since I saw him like this…in pants…and shirtless for that matter, still dripping wet from the shower. I blush in spite of myself.

"There's no possible way you can treat yourself!" Shigure yells, starting to cry. "We both know how that ended up last night. Y…You have to hold on. We have to get your arms treated before they're too infected…J…Just…hang in there…for me." My jaw drops and my towel falls to the floor. I run into Shigure's arms and weep like a child. "I'll hold on…for you." I look up, we are both crying, both blushing, completely broken and dependant on each other…and once again, we kiss.

End of Chapter Two

_I can't believe I wrote this. I…wrote this? Homosexual romance? What is wrong with me? XD_


	3. Who We Are

_Chapter three…yep, another chapter already… I just needed to write! Once again, you are warned, by nature I am anti-yaoi love! I have no idea where this story is coming from…more will be revealed later!_

_Note: Akito is female, but is referred to as male, as keeping with the manga._

_Senseireferring to doctor_

Our lips part and I look up into Shigure's tender eyes. He's blushing and looks adorable. I know I can't hide it anymore…I love him. I must have loved him for some time, but I kept it hidden. I suppose that…that Akito would find out, and then the only person who was truly close to me my whole life would be hurt. I shiver, and Shigure holds me tighter. "We should get you some clothes." he mutters.

Did I ever really love Kana? I know now that I wasn't being true to myself; I was looking for love when I had already found it…in him. That must be why my relationship with Kana ended so badly. I took for granted the gifts I have in Shigure and Ayame. "Wh…where's Ayame?" I ask Shigure as he tosses me a pair of pants and a dress shirt. "Oh…uh…" he fumbles.

"Here I am!" Ayame announces with a flourish, walking into the bathroom with a tray of tea in his hands. "I promised I would make us all our special tea." "Ayame I…" Shigure starts. "Don't worry about it Gure-San." Ayame replies, serious for once. "To tell you the truth, I knew that your affections for Ha-San outweighed your feelings for me," he smiles, "and lucky for you, I found someone to console my sorrow!" "Who, who?" Shigure asks, playfully poking Ayame in the stomach. I, now dressed, turn my attention to my tea.

"Well…" Ayame starts and I prepare for a long story. Leave it to Ayame to reap drama where drama was…or was not…due. "You know of my shop of course…" Ayame boasts with pride. Oh dear, that shop…I take another sip of tea as an excuse to remain silent. "Yes, yes, it's wonderful!" Shigure replies with a grin. "Well, you know my assistant, Mine?" Ayame asks. "Her?" I question. "Why not?" Ayame answers me, with a grin. "Well…she's…female, for one thing." I point out. "Of course she is," Shigure explains, "no other man could do me justice, so he turned to females." "Oh stop it, you two!" Ayame says, "the truth is she and I have had feelings for each other for years." Shigure and my jaws drop. We eye each other.

"D…does Akito know?"

"Of course not, Gure-San. Do you think I would still have my shop if he did?"

"Good point…but this is bad, if Akito finds out…" I begin.

"And what if he found out about you and Gure-San?" Ayame asks me.

Shigure and I glance at each other, blushing. That's true. Akito would hardly approve of our relationship. He liked to think of us as his personal lapdogs.

"Knock, knock, knock" Another knock on the door, it seems I won't be able to escape Akito after all. "Are you better now, Hatori-Sensei?" the maid asks. "Dammit, we have to think of something quick." Shigure mutters under his breath. "Aya, you're good with fabric…is there any way to hide the wounds on his arms?" "There's no time…we'll have to think of something else." Ayame whispers back.

"I take it he's still sick then?" the maid continues after a pause. "Uh-huh," Shigure answers, "sick as a dog ;;" "I brought his medical supplies for you." The maid continues. "If you'd just open the door..." "Quickly, Ha-San!" Ayame wraps a robe around me, "moan or something, act sick!" He gives Shigure a nod of the head and the door is opened. I lean over the toilet and moan with all my might. The maid runs over to me and kneels down. "Oh, poor Hatori-Sensei. I made sure to check that there are anti-acids in your bag. Feel better soon." "Th...thank you." I mutter, still attempting to moan. She is one of the nicer maids.

Shigure, Ayame, and I let out a collective sigh and the maid walks out and closes the door behind her. "Okay, you," Shigure says turning to me, "time to get you to the hospital." I look down towards the floor and notice that my arms have not only started bleeding again, but are also pussy. "Ah…alright." Suddenly I'm lightheaded…I slowly fall towards the floor.

"Hatori? HATORI?"


	4. My Lover?

_Chapter four…note: what Shigure is telling to the medical professional is commonly called a lie! P He's coming up with a back-up story for Hatori so as to try and avoid family suspicion. Hatori is unconscious in the beginning…the story is broken up cause it's from his point of view._

"Aya, he's not waking up! What should we do?"

"We can't get him to the hospital, neither of us can drive, and we don't want Akito to find out about all this…"

"We'll have to risk it, call an ambulance!"

"But Gure-San…!"

"Do it Aya! Now! … Dammit, Hatori, you said you'd hang it there for me. You promised, dammit, you promised!"

I'm so dizzy…I can hear yelling around me, but nothing is comprehensible. What's going on? Is that…sirens in the background?

"All right, so what happened? You said your name was Shigure, right?"  
"Yes, I'm Shigure, the one who called you is Ayame, and the man who needs the medical help is Hatori."

"So, what exactly happened?"

"Well, from what I know, he slipped and fell in the shower yesterday and got cut in the arms by the razors in there. He's been pretty ill lately…"

Is…that…Shigure's voice?

"You said he's a doctor, right?"

"Yes, and that's why it disturbs me that he's so sick…he should take better care of himself, but he cares only for his patients."

"Well, don't worry, we'll try our best to change that. I take it you'll be riding in the ambulance with him? What relationship do you have?"

"Uh…we're," Shigure glances at Ayame and gulps, "we're lovers."

"Ah…I…see…"

Slowly my eyes open and I look to see Shigure looking down on me in concern, tears slowly filling his eyes. "Shi…"

"Shh…don't talk, save the strength. You gave me quite the scare you know."

"Ah, so the patient's awake."

"Wh…Where am I?" I ask, my voice raspy.

"Nakagawa Hospital"

"H…Hospital?"

"Yes, I was just about to insert an IV too."

"An IV, is that necessary?" I ask. "And who are you?"  
"Oh dear, excuse me for not introducing myself…you may call me Ryo-Sensei."

"Ryo, as in dragon?" Shigure asks.

"Well, yes, it can mean that," Ryo-Sensei responds, "but I write my name with the kanji for clean. As for whether the IV is necessary…yes, it is. You arms are severely infected and you have a nasty case of the flu. Your lover here has explained to me that you haven't been feeling well in quite some time. Why didn't you seek medical assistance?"

"M…My lover?" I ask, blushing violently.

"Ha, ha" Shigure chuckles, turning to Ryo-Sensei, "you see, our love is a secret." he winks.

"I'm confused." Ryo-Sensei admits.

"As long as you're clear enough to treat my darling Ha-San, that's perfectly fine." Shigure tells him, kissing me on the forehead.

"Uh-huh… Um, I'm going to set up that IV." He turns to me, "take it easy, you have a fever of 101.7 Fahrenheit, and that's after it's gone down by quite a bit."

What happened to me? How did I become so ill so quickly?

_Augh, this chapter was all over the place, wasn't it? This should teach me not to write when exhausted and ill. Yeah, in Japan they would measure temperatures in Celsius, not Fahrenheit, I didn't want to convert it…sorry…so sue me, why don'tcha?_


	5. Our Efforts Are in Vein

"Uh, Hatori," Shigure says, turning to me, "I'm going to go comfort Aya for a bit, he's pretty shook up. Are you going to be okay alone here for awhile?"

I have never seen him this intent, concerned. "I'll be fine," I reply, "I'm sure Ryo-Sensei will take good care of me." "Sure I will," Ryo-Sensei adds, coming up to me to insert the IV. "Any vein preference?" he asks, laughing. "Well, I'm right-handed," I reply, "So maybe you should inject it into my left arm."

"W…Well, I'll be going then, Hatori." Shigure tells me, heading for the door.

"Shigure, kiss me." I don't know why I just said that…I suppose I need reassurance that he'll come back. It seems that everyone I love leaves me. Wordlessly, he walks back to the bed, leans down, and kisses me. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

Ryo-Sensei turns to me and promises, "You'll be fine." He winks. The door clicks and once again I am all alone. Well, Ryo-Sensei is here but…

"I'm going to use the main vein in the crotch of your left arm, okay?" he asks, and I nod. "Fine." I feel a prick and watch while the tubing slowly washes out my blood and allows medicine to enter into my blood stream. I had never asked what kind of medicine I would be receiving. "Ryo-Sensei…" I begin.

"You didn't really fall in the shower, did you?" he asks. He refuses to meet my eyes and is instead looking at the floor, his face ashen.

"W…Why do you ask that?" I stammer.

"You don't have the flu;" he answers me, "what you have is e-coli poisoning."


	6. You Take My Pain Away

_For those of you just starting in this chapter…beginningconversation between Ryo-Sensei (my own character) and Hatori. _

"Now, how could you have received e-coli poisoning?"

Doki…doki…doki…my heart is beating harder and faster than it ever has before in my life. "B…but you told Shigure I have the flu!"

"I didn't want to worry him. He obviously cares enough about you that such information would have the potential to make him gravely ill—to put him into shock. Now the question is, how did you cut your arms?"

"…"

"Hatori-Sensei, I need to know! It is dire that you receive the correct treatment as soon as possible or you could die! Do you really want that?"

I think for a moment. I had wanted to die, I didn't think I had anything to live for. But now? I had promised Shigure that I would hold on…for him. "No." Admitting it is so hard. Simply living will take all the tenacity I have.

"Good. So I need to know—how did you cut your arms? You didn't even tell the truth to Shigure-San, did you? I need to know the truth."

"I told him…I told him part of the truth. I told him I cut myself with a razor."

"…and?"

"And I had been holding on to an old rusty razor blade for such a purpose."

"When did you start feeling this way?"

"What way?"

"Hopeless."

When did I start feeling hopeless? I think I've always felt that way. Such is the fate of the Sohma. For a short while, I thought I could escape, with Kana, but after facing Akito about her… "Since I was born."

"And how many times have you tried to commit suicide?"

"I don't think I ever truly tried before…I felt I should live with the punishment that was life."

"So…why do you want to live now?" His face is questioning, of course, but yet it is also…wise. He seems so…composed. How does he understand so well?

"I…I have Shigure now…" What am I thinking? I can't burden Shigure! If he and I maintain a serious relationship, it will end in Hell for both of us! Akito will never allow it! "D…don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about what?" Ryo-Sensei asks in surprise.

"The treatment." I answer. "I would love it if Shigure and I could live happily together, but our family head will do everything in his power to prevent that."

"You may not believe me when I say this," Ryo-Sensei begins, "but I know how you feel."

"Sure…." I answer.

"I'm serious." He continues, "My full name is Takayashi Ryo. I was in love with a girl once and we went to my family head to request to be married. However…"

I lean in as much as I am able, listening intently. "However…?"

"He wouldn't hear of it. I found out that for quite some time the family head had been madly in love with me. Late one night…he followed me into my bedroom…and tried to rape me. After that, I cut myself, I starved myself, I even tried to commit suicide."

I am astounded. I could never imagine any family outside of the Sohma going through so much pain. How selfish have I been? "So…then…?"

"How am I here to talk to you today?" he asks, finishing my question. "Remember the girl I told you about? She stuck in to the estate one night and we ran away together. Together, we found medical treatment. I started feeling like I could cope with life again. Eventually, I studied medicine myself and became a doctor."

"But…what happened to the girl?" I ask. I have noticed that he wears no wedding ring and it seems to me that if they had wanted to get married and were able to run away together…that they would do so.

Ryo-Sensei's face is stone cold. "Your IV is almost finished and I'll have to give you some injections to combat the poisoning. I can hear some footsteps approaching so end of discussion for today, all right?"

"Oh…okay…"

Shigure and Ayame soon walk in. "Ha-San!" Ayame fawns, "I was so worried! You have no idea! I had to go and tend to the shop of course and I was simply out of sorts. I attempted to make an extra-special outfit too, you would adore it Ha-San, but it was only turning out well, when I wanted it marvelous! I spoke with Mine and I decided that I simply must come comfort you, I couldn't stand it any longer!"

"Has he been like this the whole time you were "comforting" him, Shigure?" I ask. "Pretty much," he replies, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "Sorry we took so long. Has everything been okay?"

"Just wonderful," Ryo-Sensei replies with a smile. He is wearing his gloves and has alcohol and clothes to remove my IV. "I'm going to take out the IV and administer some injections now though, so you might want to calm that shopkeeper down."

"Oh Ha-San!" Ayame swoons, "Injections…plural…as in MORE THAN ONE! Oh my poor thing, as soon as you are out of here I shall prepare some tea for you and we will have a wonderful siesta together!"

Ryo-Sensei takes out my IV…both Shigure and Ayame are appalled by the blood. He then gives me three injections. "These are going to make you pretty woozy. I'll turn the lights down and let you sleep it off okay? I'll be checking in whenever I can, probably every 45 minutes, at least while you're in what I call the "danger zone"." He motions to Shigure, "See this button by his bed? If anything happens, give it a push and I'll come running." Shigure nods.

Fifteen minutes after Ryo-Sensei leaves, I begin to feel the full effect of the drugs. I have been drunk very few times in my life, but I know well enough that that is the effect the drugs are having on me. "Hey, Shigure!" I yell in a high pitched voice.

"Hatori? What is it?" he asks in surprise. Ayame is asleep in the guest chair, the emotional day has overpowered him.

"I like you…I like you Shigure." I reply with a big smile.

Shigure chuckles, "I like you too."

"You know what would make be happy?" I ask him.

"What?"

"If you gave me a bi-i-i-i-g kiss "

"Oh really?" He walks over to me and presses his lips against mine. I feel his tongue against my mouth and I slowly open my mouth partway to let it in. Our tongues touch. We stay still like that for a few blissful moments, and then part.

"You know what Shii-Chan?" I ask.

"What?" he asks, seeming both surprised and delighted that I called him Shii-Chan.

I give him a big dopey smile. "When I'm with you, I feel happy. It doesn't hurt so much inside. You know, I always had this pain right here in my chest and I felt it all the time, even with Kana. I've been searching and searching for a medical explanation and I can't find one, but when I'm with you it goes away. I don't understand it, do you?"

"N…no, I don't. Hatori, I think you should get some sleep now, okay?"

"Not quite yet," Ryo-Sensei counters, walking into the door.

"I didn't hear any footsteps…" Shigure tells him, his eyes slanted.

Ryo-Sensei just winks. "I have to check on the patient before I let him fall asleep. How are you feeling, Hatori-Sensei?"

"I feel really good." I tell him with a smile, "in fact I was just telling Shigure about how that awful pain in my chest is gone. You don't understand that, do you?"

Ryo-Sensei looks strangely serious, "Oh, I do."

I give him a quizzical look. "You'll understand…in time," he reassures me. "Don't try too hard when the medicines are playing with your brain." He smiles.

"Now that you mention it, I do feel a little…light…headed." I yawn.

"Well, your blood pressure and oxygen levels are all right, so I'll let you sleep."

"All right." I'm out like a light. In a few minutes I hear the door close and feel someone get into bed with me. I suppose my body reflects my surprise because Shigure whispers, "don't worry, Hatori. It's just me; I'm here to protect you." With that, I slowly drift back into sleep as his arms fold around me.

_Notes:_

_Senseidoctor_

_Akito is female but referred to as male, as in keeping with the manga._

_Dokisound of a heartbeat.  
Name order: Family Name, Given Name. Example Sohma Hatori._

_Shii-Chanpet name for Shigure, the type of nickname a high school girl would give herself_


	7. Sexual Excitement

Author's notes: Hey everybody. Sorry the wait on this one was so long, first of all.

2. From this point on, I shall be changing POV between Hatori and Ryu. (the start of this chapter is Hatori POV, and the ending is Ryu POV)

3. Sensei gives Ryu the title of doctor.

4. Nebulizer: special equipment that a patient holds in his/her mouth and breathes through for about five minutes, in order to get certain medicines to the lungs. Usually used on asthmatics.

5. If you don't understand the sexual stuff, you shouldn't be reading shounen-ai.

"Shigure…" I moan, sunlight slowly filling the room.

"hm…wha?" he asks, slowly turning towards me. I kiss him on the lips. "Ah…so you're in a playful mood now, huh?" he asks. Suddenly he rolls so that he's on top of me. He slowly kisses down my neck while struggling to take off my hospital gown. He manages to get rid of that distraction and joyfully kisses down my chest.

"No fair." I moan, slowly rolling us so that I'm on top of him. Panting, I struggle to catch my breath.

"What's wrong?" Shigure asks, concerned.

"Just a bit weak yet." I answer with a smile.

"That's why you should let me be the seme." Shigure chuckles, lifting me into a sitting position and putting my hospital gown back on.

"Why?" I ask.

"I think we should continue this…later…" he answers, indicating the door.

"Huh?" I stammer.

Shigure nods toward the door again and I hear a knock. "Damn."

"Hatori?" Shigure asks in surprise.

"Why does he have to come in _now_?" I whine.

"Wow. It's very rarely I hear _you_ swear." Shigure remarks, "You must be really fired up." I give into a slight blush as Shigure kisses me in the crock of my neck. "Don't worry," he assures me, "we _will_ continue this later." He leans in close and whispers into my ear: "I want to get you wet." He grabs my crotch, giving it a slight squeeze. I moan uncontrollably. "Stop…teasing me…"

"Am I interrupting anything?" Ryo-Sensei asks, coming through the door.

Immediately, Shigure is off the bed, standing half-way across the room. "N…no, nothing at all." He manages to stammer.

"Oh, all right…" Ryo-Sensei starts suspiciously, slowly turning towards me. "Hatori-San!" You're all flushed! Let me take your temperature." I have no choice but to comply. "Good." He remarks, wiping off his brow. "Only slightly elevated. You're very short of breath though, so I'm going to run a nebulizer." "All right." I reply and he turns to Shigure. "Shigure-San, if you don't mind; you and Ayame-San are actually breaking visiting hours rules right now. I let you off last night because you were all so upset."

"I see." Shigure replies grimly. He looks so serious that it scares me. I shiver.

"Until you can come back, you are allowed to call for updates."

"Thank you. When do you think he'll be released?"

Ryu-Sensei gives me a side-ways glance, "As soon as all his vital signs have remained stable for at least six hours. So another day and he should be set to go. Oh, and speaking of going…"

"Yes?"

"Could I have a private word with you before you leave?"

Shigure's eyes widen. "Of course." Shigure leans down to kiss me on the cheek and then heads for the door. "Aya, aren't you coming?" Aya looks to me, and then to Shigure, and finally back to me.

"It's okay, Ayame, you can go."

"Okay then. Bye Haa-San!"

The door shuts and I am left all alone.

(Change POV)

The door softly clicks as I close it behind Shigure-San and Ayame-San.

"Well?" Shigure-San asks seriously, "What is it?"

"This is very awkward for me to say…" I start out feeling very uncomfortable. "Is it possible for Ayame-San to step out for a moment?"

Shigure-San gives Ayame-San a meaningful nod and Ayame-San heads for the main entrance. "Well, spit it out." Shigure-San tells me.

"Well, you see," I begin. Drat, why am I the one who has to deliver news like _this_? "Hatori-San has been through a lot…"

"Obviously"

"Um…yes…and so for the next few days or even longer he'll be very weak and shouldn't be exposed to any sort of…excitement."

"Why, whatever could you mean?" Shigure-San asks, a smile playing in his eyes.

I take a deep breath. "I am telling you that, for the next week at least, you are not to sexually entice your boyfriend!" I'm beat red. The nurses walking down the hall have begun to take notice of us and our conversation and are consequently giggling together.

"Why ever not?" Shigure-San asks, chuckling. "I don't mind getting the flu. Besides, I have to take advantage of when he's submissive and vulnerable like this."

"Please, Shigure-San!"

Shigure-San acknowledges me with a cock of the head.

"I'm not only saying this for his sake, but also for yours!" There, I've blown it. I'm about to tell him the truth, and after my confidence with Hatori-San too. This case is just too close to home for me.

Shigure-San slumps onto the floor. "So it isn't the flu…I was afraid of that…"

I pause.

"Oh, dammit, he's not dying or anything is he? You see, I kinda already sexually excited him…"

"I kneel down to the floor, reaching Shigure-San's level. "He has rust poisoning, Shigure-San."

He looks up. "How in the hell…?"

I look down. "The razor he used to cut himself…it was very old, rusty, full of bacteria…"

"I see." Shigure-San looks up into my face, his eyes full of tears. "He was planning it for awhile, wasn't he?"

I am taken aback. I can't believe this man holds so much compassion. "There is…therapy. The two of you could go together…"

"Is it even worth it?"

"It's always worth it."

"How much time does he have?"

I sigh and slump down into a sitting position. "I think I managed to get most of the poison out of his system. He should come back in a week for more testing and I'll have to keep a close eye on him for the next couple months. However, he should be able to fully heal only if…"

"If what?"

"In my opinion…"

"I'll do anything to get him better!"

I look into Shigure-San's eyes, so full of fire, determination. It reminds me of when I…I shake my head. "Go to couple's therapy." I answer, lifting him to his feet.

He nods and numbly follows me to the main entrance, where Ayame-San is waiting. Ayame-San whips out a cell phone—probably to call for a ride—and they wave good-bye as I walk back into the hospital. Shit. This case is definitely too close to home.

More Author's Notes: Well, my first lemon! Okay, so it's less of a lemon and more just lemon juice, but give me a break please! bows Hatori is still weak anyway. You don't want me to kill him via sexual excitement, now do you? OR DO YOU? Oh, you horny people.

Speaking of your input…this story has had about 900 views and only 7 reviews. WTF? (WHAT THE FRENCHFRIES?) I expect some reviews people!

BTW, please, please, please let me know how you feel about the Ryu POV. I was playing with the idea for awhile and finally decided it was the best way to give Ryu the kind of coverage I wanted him to have in the story. What do Shigure's determined eyes remind Ryu of? . Well, they certainly knocked him off-balance, didn't they? He even swore! Oh, my poor Ryu swore, how unline him! Glomps Ryu Ryu --;;

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed chapter 6 ttyl


	8. Romantic Dreams

_Author's Notes:_

_This was written over a week ago, but lots of stuff happened, so it didn't get up (sorry) I have already finished chapter nine and have to get that typed up and put up and have started chapter 10 as well. When this was written, I had over 1100 hits but only 11 reviews, and still this has hardly changed. I am very disappointed. I have a few people that are in love with this story and for myself, I want to continue it, but if people continue to read and not comment I'll find a different venue for my writing. Please, if you're going to take the time to read or at least glance, take the extra tiny bit of time to leave me a note. Thank you._

_Thanks for reading the last chapter! I know I had some mistakes, but I was still encouraged and therefore shall continue with the alternating P.O.Vs. This chapter starts out with Shigure._

_Now, speaking about mistakes and lack of reviews…I know my characters are a little skewed. Well, newsflash, other than the case of Ryu and Sakura (who comes in later), I have not created any of the characters, Takaya-Sensei did, and so I cannot reproduce them exactly. Sorry, but that's life. Secondly, the main plot behind this storyline is that Hatori has admitted that he is depressed and suicidal. You get that note right in the preview. Anyone who is depressed and suicidal has a warped personality. I should know as I have clinical/manic depression. Third of all, Hatori's body is going through the ringer because he is going through e-coli poisoning. I apologize for calling it rust poisoning earlier and thank my good friend J-Kun for pointing out this mistake for me._

_Finally, this is an official spoiler warning—this chapter alludes to things that happen in volume twelve of the manga._

_Enjoy!_

Minutes after Ayame calls, we pile into one of the Sohma Estate cars. Ayame motions to the driver and we head to my house. My empty house. Ayame has his shop and Mine to attend to. Yuki, Kyo-Chan and Tohru-Kun will all be at school. In fact, Tohru-Kun probably left a meal for me. I never called. She's probably worried.

I sigh and Ayame turns to me. "'Gure-San…"

Suddenly tears are pouring down my face. I pull out one of my treasured romance novels from my pocket, but it doesn't help. I close my eyes tight. "Shit, Hatori, how could you do this to me?"

"'Gure-San…"

The tears still won't stop. "It hurts, Aya! Dammit it hurts! My stupid chest won't stop burning!"

"It's called love, 'Gure-San."

I look to Ayame, blurred by my tears.

"It hurts a lot, but it's worth it."

"You don't understand!" I shout, turning away.

"You think _I_ don't know?" I've never heard Ayame so spirited before…well, not over something so serious anyway. "You think you're the only one who suffers? Do you know what it's like to be filled with passion and not be able to hold your beloved close?"

I pause.

"Together we can fulfill everyone else's romantic dreams…as long as we don't satisfy our own." Ayame takes a deep breath and I turn back to him. He's surprised me out of my tears for awhile, but now I can't hold it in anymore. I crumple into Ayame's arms.

"He's dying, Aya!"

..:..HaToRi'S pOv..:..

For quite some time I am left alone. After all the excitement with Shigure I am still beside myself. What came over me? I try to slow the frantic beating of my heart and cool myself down by slowly looking around the hospital room. Simple and clean…just like me. Just like my mask, that is.

I look over the medical equipment—things I have been familiar with for years. They all look foreign to me. Why did I become a doctor anyway?

"The blessed instead of the cursed." Akito would say to me, "You have the power to cure people of their memories…you should use that power and be a healer."

I never really minded being a doctor, I suppose. After all, I quite enjoyed teasing Shigure with syringes. No, no! I'm supposed to get my mind _off_ of Shigure. Whenever I think of him and he's not around, my chest burns like hell.

Lost in my reverie, I hardly notice the door opening. "Hello again, Hatori-San."

I look up and see Ryu-Sensei's now familiar face. "Hello again, Ryu-Sensei."

"How are you feeling?"

"A bit warm."

"Well, I'm here to check your vitals anyway, let me take your temperature." I nod. Slowly, Ryu-Sensei inserts a thermometer into my mouth and I patiently wait for my temperature to register. After about a minute, Ryu-Sensei yelps, "Hatori-San, you're not warm, you're on fire!"

"What?" I ask in surprise, attempting to sit up, but dizziness forces me down.

"Your temperature is nearly 41 degrees Celsius! (105.7 degrees Fahrenheit) Lie still and let me check the rest of your vitals."

I comply, having no other choice, and Ryu-Sensei continues, muttering things like, "oxygen level slightly depleted, blood pressure on the low side but normal…"

Suddenly, my vision is going. I start seeing different shapes, then shadows, then my head forces my eyes closed. I hear alarms of different machines going off and Ryu-Sensei yelling, "Hatori-San!" but I slowly slip into the darkness.

..:..ShIgUrE's PoV..:..

"What do you mean, he's dying?"

I just spilled to Ayame that Hatori is dying. Oh my God, what have I done? What have I said? Hatori dying? He can't!

Suddenly I realize I'm breathing hard and Aya is rubbing my back. The driver has pulled off the road and is looking back on us in disgust. Then I realize that I've thrown up. "I…I'm sor—" I try to mutter.

"Hush, hush, 'Gure-San!" Ayame interrupts. He turns to me with a twinkle in his eyes that I've never seen before and a big smile on his face. I can see why Mine fell for him. Sigh…

"You must calm down. Allow me to cleanse you so that you may visit Ha-San!"

Nope, he's back to the same old Aya.

"Aya, I can't visit him, I'll just make him worse."

"You love each other, don't you?

"Yes, but…"

"But nothing! If you love each other, you're the only thing that can make him better!"

He's right. I have to see him. On our own, we're dying. "Take me to my house so that I can clean up!" I announce. The driver makes a face, but at Aya's nod, he drives off. It seems like hours until my house, but Aya claims it is only fifteen minutes. I run into the house towards the shower and notice a package on the kitchen table.

"_Shigure-San, Yuki-Kun called the main house and found out what happened. Here is a meal to take to Hatori-San. I hope he gets better soon and doesn't fall in the shower again._

_--Tohru"_

Ah, how sweet. How innocent. How terribly naïve. Now, off to the shower. I shower in record time and run out to my closest. "No need for a towel, I'm alone." I mutter, looking for something to wear. Better not wear a yukata to the hospital. In the back of my closet I find the suit I borrowed from Hatori for Tohru-Kun's parent-teacher conference. Gingerly, I take it out and hold it close. The scent of Hatori still lingers. My sense of longing is driven through my beeping of the car outside.

"Sorry, 'Gure-san, we must depart!" Ayame yells.

Shit, that's bad timing. "Yeah, sorry!" I call back. I pull on Hatori's suit and run outside, grabbing Tohru-Kun's package on my way.

"You look nice." Ayame nods, "You shall inspire so many wonderful dreams for Ha-San."

"I hope so…years and year of dreams." As long as he's dreaming, he's alive.

Ayame and I share a knowing nod and jump into the car.

"To Nakagawa Hospital!" Ayame shouts to the sound of squealing tires.

_Well, that's it for this time around. I wonder what will happen when Shigure finds out Hatori's taken another turn for the worse? (kitty face) Once again, please review. I have decided to give a special mention to everyone who reviews. So please, in your review, make some sort of request such as "I want a plushie of Hatori in human form petting Shigure in dog form!" or something like that and I will include the request and your penname in my author's notes at the beginning of the story. I should get chapter 9 and perhaps 10 up in the next few days. Sorry for the long waits._


	9. Catch Me on The Rebound

_Author's Notes:_

_I dunno what went on with this chapter. It kinda wrote itself. And I'm typing it up at about 2300 hours. Yep, I'm sleepy…I'm putting this up at the same time as chapter eight, so the author's notes from that chapter kinda still apply. Yep. Oh, and when I say this chapter wrote itself…it really did…and I was in weird moods at the times…so, yeah…it reflects that…thought out a few lemons for Hatori and Shigure and couldn't fit them in yet so there's some swangst (aka angst through swearing) I dunno…I dunno anymore. If you read this, leave a comment so I can give you an f-+-+-+ big reward, 'k? Oh, and this will make more sense later in the chapter, but Shigure and Hatori are in the same bed._

..:..ShIgUrE's PoV..:..

In no time at all, Aya and I reach the hospital and I sprint towards Hatori's room. "I don't give a flying fuck whether or not it's visiting hours!" I shout to no one in particular.

"'Gure-San! You'll get us arrested!"

"Who gives a damn?" I ask, to which he replies, "You have such a dirty mouth, 'Gure-San." But I don't take him seriously because he's smiling. Besides, I finally get to see my love.

Ayame and I reach Hatori-Chan's room and I stop dead. He's surrounded by doctors, nurses and I.Vs. With a deep and aching moan, I run to my beloved's side. _Noooooooooo!_

"Shigure-San, Shigure-San, calm down!"

Part of my mind registers Ryu-Sensei's plead, but all my heart knows is that my love is unconscious, hooked up to far too many machines. "Hatori!" I'm sobbing and a piece of me realizes Aya is once again rubbing my back.

"Shigure-San?" I ignore Ryu-Sensei and continue sobbing. Suddenly I feel a prick and feel something being injected into my arm. "This will help you calm down, Shigure-San. I'll let you sleep here with Hatori-San, okay?"

"O…kay…" I mutter, giving into the sedative.

..:..AyAmE's PoV..:..

"Shit."

"Ryu-Sensei?" I have no idea how this happened. First, Ha-San, the man I respect above all, admits that he is depressed and suicidal. I, well more Shigure than I, rush him to the hospital, and we find out he has e-coli poisoning. Then all of a sudden I find out that my precious mabudachi (best male buddies) are deeply and passionately in love with each other and that poor 'Gure-San is beside himself over Ha-San's diagnosis. Now all hell has broken loose. Ha-San is unconscious and 'Gure-San is sleeping beside him, thanks to a sedative.

"I knew this case was too close to home. What the hell do I do now? What would you have done, Sakura?"

Suddenly the man who has stood as a strong tower to us all is crying. He shoos nurses out of the room and pushes me into a chair.

"He's had a rebound."

"A rebound?"

"I thought I got rid of all the poison in his body but now it's attacking with a vengeance. I noticed his temperature shot up to nearly 41 degrees Celsius (105.7 degrees Fahrenheit) and then…"

"He was unconscious?"

"Yes."

For a moment, there is only silence. "Will he die?"

Ryu-Sensei looks up at me, pain and fear in his eyes. Then, he looks back down to the floor. "Honestly, right now, I'm not sure. But his body is going to give quite a fight before it gives out." He looks at me with new hope. "Yeah. Yeah, he'll be really sick for awhile, but he could pull through. I still think he and Shigure-San will make it to couple's therapy."

Suddenly, we're interrupted by my cell phone ringing. "Excuse me." I say to Ryu-Sensei, and he nods. "Hello?"

"Ayame-San! Thank goodness I reached you!"

"Mine, how many times have I told you—call me Aya-Chan."

Ryu-Sensei gives me quite the look. I wonder what the matter is.

"Aya-Chan, you haven't shown up to the shop in two days! We have so many costumes to make! Where are you, Aya-Chan?"

"Oh, my dear Mine, I forgot to tell you." Quickly I recount the events of the past several days. "So…you remember my measurements, right, Mine-Chan? We must make something special for Ha-San and 'Gure-San."

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll close up the shop and tend to it right away."

"Oh, Mine?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Regretfully, I hang up and Ryu-Sensei turns to me. "For future reference, cell phones are not supposed to be on in hospitals."

"Ah…yes…of course."

Slowly, Ha-San starts stirring. He dizzily sits up and, before Ryu-sensei can reach him, begins vomiting violently. After about ten minutes, 'Gure-San wakes up. He glances from person to person and then quietly slides being Ha-San and starts massaging his back. Five minutes later, Ha-San stops throwing up and 'Gure-San lowers him back unto the bed.

"We're in deep shit, aren't we?"

"Shigure-San…"

We all quiet and wait for Ryu-Sensei to tell us something. Anything. Instead, he silently goes about checking Ha-San's vital signs.

"Thank God."

"What, what is it?" Shigure asks.

"His vitals are back to normal. Now we just have to let him rest."

Ha-San lets out a low moan and 'Gure-San turns away, facing the wall.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to leave then." He sighs.

"You're not going anywhere."

"But…visiting hours…"

"To hell with visiting hours!"

'Gure-San and I both turn to Ryu-Sensei with wide-open eyes.

"Listen—I don't know how, but somehow you're being here brought Hatori-San back to normal. I can't really explain it, but he needs you and you need him."

"Thanks for letting me stay…"

"Don't think you're staying as a guest. From now on, you are admitted as a patient. The shock you showed earlier proves I should keep an eye on you . Now both of you need some sleep. And I mean sleep."

"Yes sir!" 'Gure-San salutes.

For the first time, I see Ryu-Sensei smile. Shigure nuzzles next to an already dozing Hatori and allows his heavy eyelids to fall.

"Well, then…" Ryu-Sensei begins putting the room back in order.

"Ryu-Sensei, there's one more thing we need to clear up before I can get back to my shop."

"Oh, what's that?"

"Who is Sakura-San?"

Suddenly, Ryu-Sensei drops all of the equipment he's holding.

_Well, that's it for awhile, I'm busy writing chapter 10. So, who is Sakura and why does she cause such a reaction in Ryu? You'll have to keep reading to find out (kitty face) As I mentioned earlier, Ryu and Sakura are both OC._


	10. Falling Sakura

Author's Notes: Mostly filler this chapter, very short, building character for my OCs. But it all pertains to the whole Ha'ri x 'Gure thing…so don't skip!

Italics: flashbacks

Translations: biokka means beautiful woman

A mabudachi trio plushie goes to rosemont419. You didn't reply back to my description, so if you don't mind, your plushie is Hatori in human form with Shigure (dog form) on his lap and Ayame (snake form) wrapped up his arm. Please enjoy!

.:.RyU-sEnSeI's PoV.:.

"_Ryu?"_

"_mm…yes, Sakura?"_

"_Now that your family head is gone, we can be happy."_

"_Yes, I promise that we'll have a real wedding."_

"_And we…well, we could…"_

"_We what?" I ask, gently allowing my lips to continue their journey down her neck._

"_We could start a family."_

_I look into her shining eyes, both of us blushing like crazy. She undoes the buttons at the nape of her neck and we…_

"How do you know about Sakura?"

"Y…You mentioned the name earlier…" I've caught Ayame-San quite off-guard. His eyes are full of fear. This whole situation is my fault too. I had completely forgotten I mentioned her name. "Sakura…" the pain of losing her still feels like a hole in my chest. "Ayame-San, we'd better sit down." We sit. "It's…complicated."

"By the look on your face, and the way you responded, I would think so."

"I…" I take a deep breath. How do I explain this? I've never talked to anyone about it…let alone…

"Ryu-Sensei, if it's difficult…" Ayame-San trails off.

"No, you should know. You're one person who should know." I look to Hatori-San and Shigure-San. Shigure-San nuzzles into Hatori-San's side and they both sound almost as if they're purring.

I turn back to Ayame-San. "I was in love with a woman once." Ayame-San opens his mouth to speak and I shush him. "Please, don't interrupt. This is hard enough as it is."

He nods.

"It was a similar situation as Hatori-San and Shigure-San by the sounds of it. My family head didn't approve of the relationship as he…well, he…that is…he…had…feelings…for me. Physical urges, you might say. Eventually, Sakura and I managed to run off and elope. Later on we heard the family head died and we were free."

"So where is she now?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. "We were happy…no, blissful. We were finally free…"

"_Ryu! Ryu!"_

_I laugh, seeing Sakura race towards me in her sundress and sandles. "What is it, my biokka?"_

_She reaches up to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. "I'm pregnant Ryu."_

"_That's wonderful!" I lift her up and spin her around. "A baby. I'll be a father!"_

_Sakura giggles as I ease her back onto the ground and she nuzzles her head into my shoulder. "A baby…I'm so happy, Ryu; I'm so happy."_

"Ryu-Sensei?" Ayame-San pulls me out of my flashback and I gently shiver, shaking off the memories. "Ryu-Sensei?"

"She died. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly after conceiving our first child. They both died within eight months."

For once, Ayame-San seems at a loss for words. "I…I'm sorry, Ryu-Sensei."

"_R…Ryu…"_

"_Shh…Sakura…don't waste your breath. You need to save your energy. Y…You'll make it."_

_Coughs shake Sakura's fragile body. "N…no I won't Ryu. Not this time."_

"_Sakura, you can't leave me! I need you! I need our son!"_

"_Ryu." Sakura gently strokes my cheeks, wiping away my tears. "Continue your work with medicine." She breaks off, coughing again, this time bringing up blood. "Someday, you'll find someone who reminds you of me and you'll be able to save that person." She takes a labored breath. "I love you."_

"_Sakura…SAKURA!"_


	11. Misery

Author's Notes…which shall remain as short as possible.

You see, I wrote out the entire chapter of 11…my longest, most beautiful chapter yet…and then my computer died, destroying every document I ever had…I wasn't even able to back-up the chapter. The killer is I had tried to upload the chapter on here and it didn't upload because my breaking-down computer decided to be a pain in the ass. This is my attempt to recreate my lovely chapter.

Velvetina—thank you so much! It makes me happy to know that my OC is loved…here you are…a plushie Ryu to hug and make all better!

PurpleAjah—thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews! Especially thanks for pointing out that you liked one of my lines! I feel so special now + cries+ I don't know if I explained the plushie thing to you, so here goes. A friend of mine on here gives out "plushies" to everyone in her author's notes…it's just another way of mentioning those who reviewed, letting them know you appreciate the feedback.

…In This Chapter….+

-A new character is introduced that is connected to Ryu.

-I begin using songs as subplots, and will continue to do this for the remainder of the story.

-I include song lyrics and a link to hear the song(s).

-There is more medical terminology, I try not to bog you down too much though.

-Enjoy the angst (wink)

Takayashi-Sensei, Takayashi-Sensei, please report to internal medicine, room 210. Repeat, Takayashi-Sensei, please report to room 210. 

"Ryu-Sensei?" I'm brought out of my vivid flashback by the sound of Ayame-San's voice. "I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have asked." For once, Ayame-San actually looks serious, saddened, it seems that there's more to him then meets the eye.

"Ay…Ayame-San." I pause.

Takayashi-Sensei, Takayashi-Sensei, please report to internal medicine, room 210. Repeat, Takayashi-Sensei, please report to room 210 immediately. 

"Ayame-San, please look after Shigure-San and Hatori-San for me. That's me they're calling for. Oh, and remember…no cell phones." And I leave the room, wondering what so direly needed my assistance. Actually, it is rather odd I haven't had any patients outside the Sohma these past few days…I walk into the room.

"Ryu, thank God you're here." I nod at Takeyume-Chan as I put on gloves and a mask. "The patient is an eight-year-old female, of both Japanese and European descent."

"How long has she been vomiting so violently?" I ask, taking the girl's file from Takeyume-Chan.

"About 30, no 37 minutes." I give into a slight smile at Takeyume-Chan's exactness.

"What seems to be the cause?"

"Food poisoning…sushi from a local restaurant."

"That's no fun." As gently as possible, I lay the girl down on the bed and insert an IV. Slowly, she stops vomiting and falls asleep. A nurse comes in to clean her up.

"You seem…more yourself now…" Takeyume-Chan tells me, handing me a rag so that we can clean up the room a bit.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You were never exactly cold with your patients, but you were always…detached. You wouldn't allow a case to affect you."

"What are you getting at?"

"Ryu! Look at you! You've hardly slept these past few days! I've been taking on extra patients in order to cover you, but you've got to stop this! This isn't what Sakura-Chan would have wanted!"

"But don't you see Takeyume-Chan—"

"Kimi."

I sigh, frustrated. "Alright, don't you see Kimi-San?"

"Kimi, just Kimi. You know you can call me that Ryu. It won't hurt Sakura-Chan if you do."

I look away.

"I'm sorry, that was low of me. We all deal with Sakura-Chan's death in our own way. I suppose detachment, formality, is one of yours. But please, call me Kimi. It hurts me to have you call me Takeyume-Chan."

"Kimi…" I pause once again. "Don't you see?" I start out quietly, but eventually my volume increases along with my passion. "This is exactly what Sakura meant! She told me that someday I would find someone like her and be able to save that person! Look at Shigure-San and Hatori-San! They could survive…this time she wouldn't die…we'd have a real wedding…"

"Ryu, listen to yourself!" Kimi yelps, bursting into tears. "This isn't about you and Sakura…this is another family, another love, another life. She's dead, Ryu…" her voice falls into a barely audible whisper. "She's dead."

"She's dead." I whisper.

"Yes. Please, Ryu, let me take up this case or something. This is destroying you! Sakura wouldn't want you to be like this…she would want you to be happy…at this rate…you'll…"

"I'll what? Worry myself to death?"

"Maybe!" She answers, crying anew.

"At least then I would see Sakura again. Besides, who needs me to be happy now?" I throw my rag away and leave the room.

As I leave, I swear I hear Kimi whisper… "me…I need you to be happy…I love you, Ryu." Feh, it must be my imagination.

On my way back to the Sohma room, I stop by the main desk and pick up the paperwork needed to admit Shigure-San as a patient.

I enter the room and find that Ayame-San has disappeared. In his place is a note on my desk.

"_My sincere apologies, Ryu-Sensei. I have found that, once again, I seem to be breaking visiting hours. On top of that, I have shirked my duty and left my dear Mine-Chan all alone at my costume shop. I shall leave you now to join her in making precious gifts for my mabudachi. I hope that, when we meet again, you continue to regard me kindly._

_Your humble, and ever modest, companion,_

_Ayame."_

That man…truly is hard to understand…

Shigure-San and Hatori-San are still asleep, the room is in order…there seems nothing to do at the moment except brood over the conversation I had with Kimi. I search in my desk drawer for my old portable radio and turn it on.

"Hello once again! This is 89.7 FM, your Easter station with songs from the Western nation! If you're just joining us, you missed our classic of the hour—"Close to You" by the Carpenters. Next up is Misery by the Moffatts (a/n http/ an acoustic shortened version of the song). Please enjoy the next 60 minutes of commercial-free music, only on 89.7—the Bird.

I cry myself to sleep again tonight  
'Cause I cannot hold you tight.  
I wish I could see you again tomorrow  
To take all this sorrow  
Sorrow, I'm hollow

When I touch you  
Can you feel It  
When I need you  
Can you give it  
When I look in your eyes  
Can you see me  
When I fall  
Will you catch me, catch me, catch meMisery  
Is what I feel  
When you're not around  
So I can't heal  
Misery  
Is what I feel  
Is what I feel

Misery  
Is what I feel  
When you're not around  
So I can't heal  
Misery  
Is what I feel  
Is what I feel

(Instrumental Break)

These tears on my face  
Are for you  
I wish that I could hold you  
Touch you, feel you  
My heart is bleeding  
Can't you see  
I wish that you could hold me  
Touch me, feel me

(Instrumental Break)

Misery  
Is what I feel  
When you're not around  
So I can't heal  
Misery  
Is what I feel  
Is what I feel

Misery  
Is what I feel  
When you're not around  
So I can't heal  
Misery  
Is what I feel  
Is what I feel

(Instrumental Break)

Misery"

"Ryu-Sensei?" Hatori-San is awake and I quickly turn the radio off.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"No, it's fine." He replies. "I didn't know you liked Western music."

"Ah…yes…I'm a bit of an otaku when it comes to Western music, actually. I had a CD of that last group, but I haven't listened to it since…since my wife died."

"Ah…I…that is. My sincere regrets." He bows his head.

"Thank you."

"mmm…Hatori…Hatori stop it…you know we shouldn't…oh…but if you want to…"

Hatori-San turns beat red. "Shigure…Shigure, wake up, dammit! You're having a dream!"

Shigure-San yawns and wakes up, turning to Hatori-San. "Oh…Ha-San, you ruin all my fun!" He whines, but then laughs.

"Ahem" I clear my throat. "Shigure-San, I'm glad you're awake. I have some paperwork for you to fill out so that I can admit you as a patient." He accepts the paperwork. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to share one bed…" I wave off his signs of protest. "But this is a joint room so at least you'll be sharing a room, and what you do when no one's around is your own business…" I am not liking that look in Shigure-San's eyes. "However, remember that you are both EXTREMELY WEAK."

"Oh, yes, yes, of course." Shigure-San replies with a smile. He hands me back the paperwork and suddenly it's official. I have two Sohma as patients…in one room…and oh yes, they're lovers.

End of Chapter 11.

So, what did you think? Not too bad I hope. Remember that this was an attempt to re-write it at 11:30 at night. And please do not flame me about Kimi. Kimi has a long story of her own…well, I guess that's it this time around.

Good night and Sayonara!

Mokimo, 11:30 PM Central Time, July 10, 2006.


	12. Turn Your Head and Cough

Author's Notes…which shall remain as short as possible.

I'm writing this after an 8 and ½ hour day of physical labor…stupid job…so it may be a bit…strange…wait…when is my writing not strange? Okay, so when I was going to write this chapter I instead discovered Gravitation AMV's on put me in quite a mood…oO;;

a/n: as of the time of posting, I have seen the entire series of Gravitation, this will probably influence future chapters

Thanks to reviewers!

- PurpleAjah I loved your review! It made me laugh XD yeah, you're right about Ayame…

- Cheshirejin Thank you for all your encouragement, especially concerning Kimi.

- rosemont419 Thanks for your all-encompassing review. I'm happy you enjoyed the info on Ryu and Shigure's short dream.

- LadyKayannedra THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for finding my story! It makes me so happy that you're reading it. I warn you though, that this story turns to Yaoi in this chapter…meaning that Ha'ri and 'Gure will be taking part in "rated M" activity (sorry! I was influenced by Brokeback Mountain) Here is your plushie!

Enjoy the chapter!

.:.still Ryu-Sensei's POV, this chapter takes place just under a day after the last chapter.:.

I awake to a tap on the door. "Ryu-Sensei?" Oh, how unprofessional of me, dozing off. Oh well, Shigure-San and Hatori-San are asleep again anyway. Today, or is it yesterday by now, tired all of us out. Somehow the two of them, or more just Shigure-San, managed to convince me to put the two beds next to each other. I look over and see that Shigure-San and Hatori-San are actually holding hands across the beds.

I sit up and stretch, yawning. Shigure-San has calmed down quite a bit, I'm sure he could leave anytime. Even Hatori-San seems to be doing better. For once, he went a day without vomiting or fever. Soon, they'll be gone and my life will go back to normal…

"Ryu-Sensei?"

"Ah…Nurse Fujitoki."

"Ryu-Sensei, your patients are out of danger, yet you seem to be entering it. Please go home and get some rest. Takeyume-Sensei has agreed to check in on your patients for you."

"Oh…well…yes…thank you. What time do I need to be back?"

"Don't you remember, Ryu-Sensei? Tomorrow is your day off."

_I really have gotten too involved in this case. The days seem to all blend together…maybe Kimi is right, maybe this isn't what Sakura would have wanted. Then again, maybe I've just gotten too tired._ (a/n: sorry to break the seriousness…but c'mon…ahh…don't you just wanna hug him tight?) I pack up my things and head for home.

.:.HaRi'S pOv.:.

I am awakened by a knock on the door and look up to see that Ryu-Sensei is gone. I hear another knock on the door and a slender young woman walks in.

"Hello. My name is Takeyume Kimi, you must be Sohma Hatori-San?"

I nod, noticing Shigure stirring.

"I'm going to be filling in for Ryu for awhile."

I nod again, this time taking note that she uses no honorific for Ryu-Sensei.

"You love him, don't you?" Shigure asks, addressing Kimi-Sensei as he shifts over to my bed.

"W…w…why do you ask?" she replies, blushing, making the answer to his question quite obvious.

"I can just sense when love's around..." Shigure says with a sigh. "For instance…" he pulls out one of his novels and prepares to hand it to Kimi-Sensei. How did he even hide that thing in his hospital gown?

I quickly snatch the book out of Shigure's hands and turn to Kimi-Sensei. "What…what I believe Shigure means, is that, well, we seem to be able to sense your feelings as we're feeling the same thing…for each other."

Kimi simply smiles. "I believe this is a conversation we should save for another time. No wonder Ryu was so warped by you two."

In response to our blank expressions, she continues. "Right now I'm here to take your vitals."

"Well, my vitals are right here." Shigure answers her, putting his arm around me. I blush despite myself. "You may want to check up on him though." What has this man been doing to me? How is it that I can become so easily embarrassed?

"ha….ha ha ha ha ha" Kimi just laughs. "You'll find I'm not as…giggle…homophobic as Ryu." (a/n: it's hard to write laughter uu so please bear with me) She continues to check Shigure's vitals.

"Well Shigure-San, you seem to be doing quite well. If you want, you can take a walk and get something to eat at the cafeteria."

"That's fine; I'll stay with my Haa-Chan."

"Your choice, I'll be taking a blood sample from him though." Kimi-Sensei looks up, smiling at Shigure's disgusted expression.

"On second thought….Haa-Chan, you're fine without me, right?" he pauses.

"Of course." I answer. _When did he start calling me "Haa-Chan"? _

I prepare for the prick that comes with Kimi-Sensei taking my blood sample.

"You really do love him…don't you?"

"Yes." I answer, "despite myself, despite all his foolishness, despite how completely twisted and sickening this love may be…I love him. Just like you really love Ryu-Sensei, don't you?"

"Yes."

We look up to each other and smile.

"Um…maybe I shouldn't ask this…" Kimi-Sensei begins, "but you and Shigure-San have the same family name…"

"Oh, it's not incest or anything like that." I answer, turning red at her insinuation. "We're cousins."

"Ah." Kimi-Sensei remarks, turning red. "It's still a bit of a forbidden love though, isn't it? Two male cousins?"

"Well yes." This conversation has become quite awkward.

"It's…it's like that for me and Ryu too." Kimi-Sensei begins, taking the tubing out of my arm, labeling the blood sample and setting it aside for the lab.

"But you're not…?"

"Related? No." She laughs quietly while placing a bandage on my arm. "His…his late wife…she and I were friends. You see, I was best friends with her younger sister and so I got to know the family quite well. That's how I got to know Ryu…"

"Forbidden love." I mutter.

She looks up at me, question in her eyes.

"You loved him while he was courting Sakura-San didn't you?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And so it's hard for him to get close to you because you remind him of Sakura-San."

She nods and a single tear runs down her face. She leans in to hug me and I tense up naturally.

At the exact moment that she pulls me into her arms, Shigure enters the room. I look to him with fear and alarm.

And then…

Nothing happens.

Kimi-Sensei pulls me close for a minute, then gently drops her arms and pulls away. She wipes away tears and turns toward Shigure. "Shigure-San, welcome back."

Her eyes widen in surprise to the sight of both Shigure and myself crying. Little does she know this is the first time I've ever been able to hug a woman without turning into a seahorse.

"How?" I mouth.

"Shigure-San, Hatori-San, is something wrong?" Kimi-Sensei asks.

I start shaking. The tears just won't stop.

"Uh…nothing medically." Shigure answers. "I think Hatori and I just need to be alone for awhile."

Kimi-Sensei turns to me, "Are you sure?"

I nod.

"Well…I'll check in later then…"

"Kimi-Sensei, wait."

Kimi-Sensei turns toward Shigure.

"Thank you. For taking care of Haa-Chan."

Kimi-Sensei nods and leaves the room.

The door gently shuts and I break down into sobs. The next thing I know Shigure has his arms around me, gently patting my back. I pull him forward and we land on the bed. I take off his hospital gown and he takes off mine. I tug at his boxers as he gently slips mine down and tosses them on the floor.

"Shit" he mutters.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing" he answers, kissing down my neck.

My breath hitches.

"I'm gonna be as gentle as possible, okay?" he tells me.

I nod, biting my lip in anticipation.

He turns me and spits. Now I realize why he said shit…lack of lubrication…or protection for that matter.

"Shigure…"

He starts sliding in and I bite my lip harder to keep from screaming. Suddenly I taste blood. I don't understand how anyone could like this. And then suddenly…

"Shigure! Oh…Kami (a/n: see footnote), Shigure. Do that again!"

"What? This?" I can sense him smirking. He pulls out, spits again, and then comes back in, hitting the same spot as before.

"Oh…Oh Kami, yes!"

He does it again and my whole lower half is tingling. "Shi…Shigure…"

"Shh…" he tells me. "Don't lose it yet."

"Shigure!" I scream, as loud as I dare. I don't want any nurses or doctors coming in to check on us.

"That's what I was waiting for," he tells me, pulling out and pushing in again, "scream my name again."

"Shigure…" I whisper.

"Scream." He whispers, kissing my ear and pushing in harder.

"Shigure!" I lose it.

"Dammit, Hatori, you're tightening up! I told you not to lose it on me yet."

"I'm sorry…I haven't…done this…before." I can hardly breathe.

Suddenly he pulls out. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rushed you." He flips me around and quickly catches my lower lip in between his teeth. His lips continue their journey down my neck until he pauses at my nipples. He licks each nipple and then, taking note of my hastened breath, he grabs one and bites it. I…I don't know how to explain it. It's something between a scream and a moan. It feels really guttural though.

"Ooh…I like it. You're actually getting me hot…" he presses his bulge up against my own and I start tingling again.

"Shigure…I'll lose it again…if you're not careful."

"mmhmm…that's what I'm trying to do. Let me go first though."

"Wha?" I begin to question, but am cut off.

"Please" he captures my eyes in his own and I let him slip himself into my mouth.

And then…we both lose it.

End of Chapter+

I know, I know, I'm so evil! And talk about ultimate cliffhanger…muahaha

Footnotes+learning Japanese+ Sensei can mean teacher, doctor, writer, etc.

Kami (sometime Kami-Sama) means God.

How did y'all like my first sex scene? The first one I evur wrote, yep-yep. Thank you Brokeback Mountain, lol.

See y'all in chapter 13! (don't hate me because of the lemon!)


	13. I'll Cover You

_Author's Notes: Oh my goodness! Has it really been almost a year since I updated this story? After the disgraceful chapters thus far, I would be quite surprised if anyone read it anyway… Well, much has happened in the past 10 months, including losing any work I had on this story, but I will try to resurrect it, so if there is anyone out there who wants to read it, I hope he or she enjoys. !!Mokimo over and out!!_

.:.HaRi'S pOv.:.

It's not until later, as I wipe the remainder of his warm and wet gift from my mouth, that what we did fully hits me. I'm still in shock over the lifting of the curse, let alone the first attempt at sex, and though I don't want Shigure to feel his advances were unrequited, I do feel a little chiding is necessary.

"Well," I begin, "that gives a whole new meaning to the term 'doggie style,' doesn't it?"

I hear Shigure chuckle, as if to brush off the remark, but I can also see him blushing intently. Suddenly, he surprises me by jumping in for a long, hard, passionate kiss…complete with tongue. "Like you're one to talk! How did you learn to give such good head?" Now it's my turn to blush.

He sits back down on the bed and motions for me to join him. Noting my hesitation, he blushes anew. "Oh…Ha…shit, I wasn't thinking…I'm so sorry." I start to brush him off, but he continues. "I'll take care of you later, mmkay?" he motions, "you're not the only one who gives good head."

Any possible response I could come up with is severed by the knocking on the door. "May I come in?" Kimi-Sensei asks.

"Of course. Fair maidens are always welcomed." Shigure beckons, in his best impression of Ayame. I smile.

"Well, Hatori-San, your blood work checked out just fine, so the two of you can leave tomorrow morning after filling out some more paperwork." Kimi-Sensei smiles.

I simply smile back until I hear Shigure sniffling near me. "Y…you hear that, Haa-Chan? You're gonna be…okay…" Suddenly Shigure jumps up and runs into the bathroom. I prepare to follow him but Kimi-Sensei stops me.

"I…I just wanted to say…I'm sorry, again. I wasn't very professional earlier, but I do appreciate you listening. Is everything alright?"

I mentally take her in. Her emotions still seem ragged. "Everything is fine." I reply, "don't worry about before. It may be none of my business, but if you feel so strongly, you should probably speak to Ryu-Sensei." She remains silent, so I continue. "I know he likes Western music. I don't know much Western style artists, but I have a colleague who borders on obsessive over an artist named Elton John. He sings a song called 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart.' Perhaps, if the issue is that you're uncomfortable speaking face-to-face, you could play that song for Ryu-Sensei. As a fellow medical professional, I've been hearing a bit on something called music therapy. Once again, however, it's none of my business."

She stays silent for a moment, then nods and looks up. "No, thank you, very much. I'll certainly keep that in mind. Neither one of us will be seeing you tomorrow I don't think. It's Ryu's day off and I won't really be needed—you'll just be filing paperwork with one of the nurses."

"Oh." I respond. For some reason, I almost feel let down. Kimi-Sensei and Ryu-Sensei are quite skilled physicians and they're amiable as well. Their stories caught my interest.

"Well," Kimi-Sensei continues, once again gracing me with a smile, "I suppose you'd better get back to your lover."

Ah, Kami (see footnote), that's right! Shigure! "Yes." I reply, bowing my leave. Kimi-Sensei leaves the room as I head for the bathroom.

Shigure has obviously thrown up, violently by the looks of it…maybe even multiple times. His clothes are damp, sticking to him as if from a cold sweat. His face is wet with tears. My concern overflows, but with his emotions so on edge lately, I can't let him know that. I can't even betray any sort of gasp. Silently I pledge thanks to my years of medical training; the lifetime I had to work on my cold, unyielding mask.

"You see, Shigure?" I ask, trying to gain his attention. "I knew we shouldn't have had sex without a condom. Now here you are, pregnant. What will we tell Ayame?"

"I…I thought you were going to die…"

"But I didn't…I'm here." I answer, trying to get him out of his damp clothes and mop up the vomit.

"I thought I was slowly helping you kill yourself…I had noticed you were even more distant than normal, you started eating less…but I did nothing. I really am a bastard, aren't I? I couldn't even let you know I loved you…I just watched and watched…then I finally admit that I need you, like the selfish asshole I am, and all I do is put more burdens on you! It's worse then when I fucking pretended I didn't care!" Shigure's shaking by now, threatening to vomit again. I had no idea he was in this much turmoil.

I take him into my arms. "That's not true. You know that's not true. I'm here now, and I'm fine, and I'll go with you to any therapy we think we might need…but right now the one I'm concerned about is you." I sigh. "You did the right thing. You stopped me from doing something very stupid (a/n see chapter 1), you got me to the hospital, you've watched over me. I couldn't expect so much." Shigure tries to speak again, but I shush him. Silently, I ponder my options. I need to find a way to keep Shigure stabilized. He's a mess; even…I rest one hand on his forehead and one on my own. Yes, even a bit feverish. He looks up at me, his eyes reflecting his zodiac position well. What am I saying? We're not part of the zodiac anymore.

The realization falls like a bomb. This is all too much to handle. I start drawing a bath, for the benefit of both of us. Shigure, the child that he is, starts to add in some bubble bath that he got from Kami knows where. I nudge him into the tub, following him in. We soak there for a bit, in each other's arms to fit in better. I start drifting off until I feel a nibble on my neck. "Shigure?" I question.

He nods, and then softly adds, "I owe you." He continues softly kissing and nibbling on my neck, gently caressing me. He catches my ears with his lips and softly sighs at my immediate reaction. Soon he's softly kissing my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids, my lips…

_(a/n) With a thousand sweet kisses…I'll cover you…_

He slips out of our embrace to tower over me as he goes back to my neck and then journeys down to my nipples.

_With a thousand sweet kisses…I'll cover you…_

He darts his tongue around, covering my tender nipples in his sweetness, before he comes back to my mouth and gently darts his tongue into my waiting lips.

_When you're worn out and tired…_

His lips part mine and he returns to my chest, working his way down until he reaches my navel. Timidly, gently, oh so tantalizingly slowly, he works his tongue in circles around my bellybutton. I can hardly stand it, letting out the occasional moan. He can tell how anxious I am by the hardening erection that's making it even more difficult for him to position in the small tub.

_When your heart has expired…_

"Deal with me for a minute, okay?" He asks. "I'm gonna have to change positions a bit." I nod, no longer able to speak. He gently lowers me to make sure I'm lying on my back in the tub and then positions himself so that he's on his stomach on top of me, facing the opposite direction.

_Oh…lover…I'll cover you…_

Slowly, slowly, so fucking slowly, he takes my length into his mouth. For a moment, he just sucks. An overwhelming joy and need fills me. Let him suck. Let him suck all he wants. Let him suck on his, yes his, only his, ten inches of candy.

_Yeah…yeah…yeah…yeah…yeah…yeah…_

Suddenly, he pulls. I try my gasp to cover a moan, but come out gasping. He pauses for a moment, seemingly because he thinks he hurt me, but after no response, he continues. He pulls, inching me in and out, deeper into his mouth. Soon he's rocking us both. He thought I was good at head? If I was good, he's a master artist. He starts licking me, taking all of me in. I can no longer control my breathing, my heart rate is going sporadic, intermittent moans escape me. "Shi…Shigure…I…I can't…" He gives me one last yank and I lose it…completely…I get off so hard that I sink even deeper into the tub, my whole body relaxing at once. "Oh….Shigure…" I moan. He swallows, and gently maneuvers around me to ease back into our embraced position. He smiles at me and whispers, "Well, I owed you, didn't I?"

_Oh…lover…I'll cover you…_

Several minutes later, a very tired Shigure and I tumbled out of the tub, into fresh clothing, and into a bed. Snuggling together, hands entwined, we pull the blankets over us. Shigure falls asleep almost instantly, but I lie awake for several moments. So much has happened, so much has changed…in a matter of days. I wonder if the entire zodiac is lifted from the curse, or just us? Surely if others had been released, we would have heard about it. But what if they didn't know…just as Shigure and I had not realized our position? Then again, Shigure and I were under so much other stress…

"Haa-Chan…"

"Shh…Shigure, go back to sleep…"

"Stop thinking so hard, Haa-Chan, you'll hurt yourself. Come join Shii-Chan in the joys of slumber."

I roll my eyes, but then smile despite myself. He's right. Now is not the time to be worrying. Gently, I snuggle closer, granting my love a kiss on the forehead. Let us rest peacefully tonight, and leave all our worries for tomorrow.

End of Chapter 13

Author's Notes (a/n)

Sensei is a title that can refer to a doctor, writer, teacher, etc.

Kami (sometimes written Kami-Sama) is a title that refers to God.

The stupid thing (in chapter one) is when Hatori attempted suicide.

The italicized lyrics intermitted in the tub scene are from the song "I'll Cover You" featured in the musical (slash) movie, RENT.

I hope this chapter, written much better than the last uu

Is a welcome change and appreciated by all those

If any

Who were waiting for an update.

If anyone was anticipating this

Or

Just discovered it and enjoyed it

I will happily work on producing

Additional chapters

Please continue to regard me kindly

Yours,

Mokimo


	14. Rest and Relaxation

H-Cubed (Hatori's Hidden Heartache) Chapter 14

_Rest and Relaxation_

.:. Shigure's P.O.V .:.

Hatori and I emerge the now-familiar hospital room in the morning; facing sirens, shouting and, seemingly, chaos. I'd have thought that Haa-Chan would be used to hospital noises as a doctor but he clings to me as much as I cling to him. We finish our paperwork and leave the hospital, blinking against the glaring sun.

"So…where to now?" I ask, realizing it's really a question and not just one of my rhetorical remarks. Where do we go from here? Me back home and Hatori back to the main house? Both of us to Akito to tell him what happened? Suddenly I realize we haven't told Akito anything of the past few days and the idea of running away…err…making a romantic get-a-way…seems the best bet.

I look to Hatori, who slackens. _'To my house then,'_ I think, _'for some R and R.'_

"I'll call a cab." I tell Hatori, who nods, thankfully not asking to where it is we're going. Eventually, the cab arrives and we head to my house. I being to ponder about what Yuki, Kyo and Tohru will think…

.:. Hatori's P.O.V .:.

We leave the hospital and arrive at Shigure's without any problem. Opening the door, Tohru-kun looks both of us up and down before hurrying about to the kitchen, muttering something about hot tea and leek soup. Kyo comes upon us and grunts in greeting, making way for Yuki.

I had figured Yuki would be the one questioning us. Before he can speak, however, Shigure makes an announcement. "Hatori's still pretty weak, so he's gonna be our guest for awhile. Everyone treat him nice, mmkay?"

I stare back at him. He hadn't said anything about himself. Wouldn't they wonder…? Yuki just nods, however, and Kyo grunts again.

Shigure and I take off our shoes, being presented with house slippers by Tohru-kun. Shigure leads me to his bedroom, motioning me to the bed. I lay on it, not realizing until then how tired I really am.

Shigure lies down next to me, gently whispering in my ear. "I'll have to see Akito about all this; let her know what's happened."

I shiver a little at the mention of Akito's name, as well as Shigure's openness to referring to Akito as a woman. He must truly trust that the children can't hear us. That, or he feels he has no need to grant Akito more respect, now that we're no longer in the zodiac.

I nod an agreement before drifting off to sleep, restlessly dreaming of a seahorse, a dog, and their owner who wished nothing more than to shatter their hopes and dreams forever.

End of Chapter 14

.:. Author's Notes .:.

First of all, I'm letting you all know, albeit not in very great detail, that there is VERY good reason I was unable to update this story for seven months.

That being said, Kami, I had a great outline for this story and now I have little idea as to where it's going. Oh well, que será será.

I'm sorry for anyone I confused on the last chapter. The pregnancy thing was a joke; I have never and will never write M-preg into a Fruits Basket fic. Also, speaking of last chapter, an Easter egg for you all! The "colleague" Hatori mentions is actually Ayame!

Next chapter…Shigure sees Akito and there's very interesting results!! The next chapter should be up in a few days, I'm working on it right now.

Finally…this chapter is dedicated to xXMissDiva619Xx for basically forcing me to write it, lol.

!!Mokimo over and out!!


	15. The Doggie's Style, Part 1

Chapter 15 of H-Cubed

The Doggie's Style (Part 1)

SPOILER WARNING! This chapter contains spoilers and although you might not recognize them, you have been warned all the same. 

.:. Shigure's P.O.V .:.

I wait until I'm sure Hatori's asleep before I get up to leave. "I'll make sure you never have to go back to the main house," I whisper, "Not if you don't want to."

I leave my room and enter the kitchen, finding Tohru and, surprisingly, Kyo; fixing leek soup. I let them know that Hatori's sleeping and that I'm heading out.

Tohru-Kun opens her mouth to reply and Kyo tries to shush her. He fails. "Shigure-San, are you sure that's a good idea? Shouldn't you be resting too?"

I look at her worried face and smile, patting her head. "Don't worry about a thing, Tohru-kun. I'll be back to be worried over by you just as soon as I can." I smile again. "But right now I need to let Akito know what's up with Hatori."

Tohru motions as if to make a retort, but just nods as Kyo puts his arm around her and steers her back to the soup.

I turn to leave and hear a muttered "be careful."

"_Oh, Kyon-kichi," _I think, smirking,_ "you really do care." _Ah well, no time to dwell on that. Chuckle. I've got to get to Akito before… Well, before Hatori wakes up. I take a deep breath and walk to the main house.

.:. Akito's P.O.V .:.

I'm pacing my room when the head maid knocks and enters. "Is it That Woman again?" I ask.

She bows her head. "No, Akito-San, Shigure-San is here to see you."

Shigure? Here to see me? After disappearing for days? He certainly has some explaining to do. "Let him in." I answer, dismissing her. The door closes and I loosen my yukata, undoing the bindings on my chest. _"Let Shigure see me as the woman I am." _I think._ "That ought to loosen his tongue." _Smirk.

The door opens again and I turn to see Shigure, the dog. My dog. "Well?" I ask, as he remains both speechless and motionless. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

.:. Shigure's P.O.V .:.

I smile and kneel, ever the humble juuinishi dog. This, of course, infuriates Akito.

"Well, Shigure?

Answer me!"

She leans in, slapping me. She grabs my hair and uses it to pull my head back. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, you know me…" I reply lightly. "Some writing here, some visiting there…the time just pisses away." I smile up at her enraged face.

"No one's heard of you…or Hatori…for nearly a week!" Akito screams in my ear. "You…you were plotting against me with That Woman…weren't you?"

"Why, my dearest Akito, why would you question that?" I ask, all smiles.

"BECAUSE YOU SLEPT WITH HER!" Akito screams, slapping me hard. After a moment, I taste blood.

"Only because you slept with Kureno." I mutter under my breath, my smile momentarily fading to reveal my true self—a cruel inhuman being at the best of times.

"Is this the reason for your anger then?" I smirk, "You want me all to yourself?" I stand and walk up to her, easily undoing the belt of her yukata and allowing it to slip to the floor.

For a moment…all we do is stare in silence…that is, until she forcefully removes my own yukata.

End of Chapter 15 With Chapter 16 (The Doggie's Style, Part 2) Soon to follow!

This was originally gonna be all one chapter, but I split it…partially b/c the next chapter has contains GRAPHIC LEMON! And I don't want people to be offended…so it's separate, tehe. That and well…I wanted to. (sticks tongue out).

This chapter is dedicated to my brother, who is a HUGE AkiixShigure fan :'D


	16. The Doggie's Style, Part 2

'Ello, Mokimo here

'Ello, Mokimo here! Time to finally bring you the resolution to my last chapter. This chapter is dedicated to the lovely loritakitochan for all her patience baited with anticipation. Hehe

Sorry on the long wait…again…I have been dealing with some pretty major issues (sad face). But I shall try my best to survive (determined face)! Besides, it be much longer chapter this time (claps)! That's good right…right??

So, without any FURTHER delay…

Hatori's Hidden Heartache chapter 15 b a.k.a. chapter 16:

**The Doggie's Style, Part 2**

+ This chapter is almost entirely LEMON (ShigurexAkito). If you don't like or are offended or whatever…blahblity blah…then don't read. +

.:. Shigure's P.O.V. .:.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I smirk, allowing her to throw my forgotten yukata across the room.

"You should know very well." She answers, smirking as well.

Before I can fully register it, I'm pushed halfway across the room and stumble, falling to the floor. Akito is soon kissing, nipping at, biting…sucking every inch of me.

"Keep that up and I'll have at least 20 hickeys by morning." I chide her.

She looks up momentarily. "So what?" And then grabs my lower lip in her mouth, sucking on it hungrily.

"_What will Hatori think?_" I wonder. "So is this the only reason you missed me, Aki-Chan?! I'm hurt." I feign a look of desolation.

I expect her to hit me over being called Aki-Chan, but she just raises her eyebrows. In response to my question, she just kisses me down my chest until she reaches my dick, taking it into her mouth and yanking…hard.

"Ah…ha ah ha ah ha…" I moan in a strange mixture of pain and pleasure. She looks up and smirks before taking my length into her mouth once again.

.:. Akito's P.O.V. .:.

I suck on Shigure for awhile and then slide my mouth off his dick, allowing my saliva to drip down over it. I look at it and then look up at his face and smirk.

"Well, _Shi-Chan_," I tease him. That should get him back for calling me Aki-Chan. "It seems that you're plenty hard, hm? Tell you what, since I'm usually nice and feeling _especially_ generous today I'll be _your_ dog. What do you say?" I get down on my hands and knees, flaunting my ass in the air."

I sense Shigure stiffening, in a bad way this time, and turn to face him. He is visibly shaking.

Taken aback, I momentarily let my mask slip, getting up to caress his cheek. "Shigure? What's wrong?"

"I…" he looks away and steps backwards. "I'm no longer your dog Akito."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" he looks up at me, this time caressing _my_ cheek. "I mean…I'm free…I'm not part of the zodiac anymore."

"You're lying!" I scream, slapping his hand away, shaking.

"No, Akito, you know I wouldn't lie about something like this. And I'm not the only one. Hatori was freed too. And Kureno was freed sometime ago, wasn't he?"

"YOU! BASTARD!" I scream, slapping him hard across the face.

He spits out blood from the corner of his mouth, looking at me and attempting to come into my bubble again.

"You bastard!" I scream, slapping him repeatedly. "You bastard; you fucking son of a bitch! How dare you lie to me? How dare you? How dare you?!"

I break down sobbing. "Shigure, don't leave me! Don't leave me! Please, please don't leave me!"

.:. Shigure's P.O.V. .:.

Hm…I was resigned to this. Sure, I didn't expect her to react _quite_ so strongly…but for the sake of everyone involved, I can't give in to her. I can't become her lap dog like Kureno…though I will miss her…and the sex… Dammit, I really am a bastard. I mean, it's not like I hate her… I love her and I always have. I just love Hatori…more…

"Fine." I hear myself say. "I can't promise to be yours forever, but if you'll spare Hatori, I'll be only yours and no one else's…just for today."

.:. Akito's P.O.V. .:.

"That's not good enough!" I scream. "But I guess I'll have to accept it…for now…"

_You think getting along the same as loving? (1)_

I walk back up to him and begin tentatively kissing him. I feel him kissing back and intensify my force. So…he wasn't kidding about being mine and only mine…today…

_Sometimes…love is where you hating most_

I kiss all down his chest, taking every inch of him, leaving my mark. Mine. Mine. Mine.

_The more you ruv someone…_

We toss and tumble onto my bed mat, still kissing each other with a hunger I had never realized before.

_The more you want to kill them…_

I turn onto my hands and knees and allow him to enter me with a sharp intake of breath. Everything feels so…so…so… well, almost bitter sweet, but so amazing at the same time. It's truly the best sex I've ever had.

_The more you ruv someone…_

We keep on…over and over and over. "More!" I scream, tears streaming down my face. "Give me more!" I ride him, he flips me and enters me missionary style; I suck him while he eats me out… I've become addicted; I can't get enough. And it seems he can't either.

_The more you wanting him dead_

Yet it's only…for today…

_Forget regret or life is yours to miss / No day but today (2)_

.:. Shigure's P.O.V. .:.

Exhausted, Akito and I finally collapse on the bed mat after hours of erm…romping…on it. I turn my head to her, breathing heavily, and realize that she fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. I cover her with a blanket and lean in to whisper in her ear. "Don't get me wrong. I have, and always will, love you. But I can't leave Hatori. As much as I love you, we'll just never work… whereas Hatori and I are each other's reason for living." I sigh, stand up, and fetch my deserted yukata. "Goodbye."

_Just came to say…Goodbye love, goodbye._

End of Chapter 16.

Author's notes: Lyrics are from Avenue Q (see (1)) and RENT (see (2)). I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! I actually originally intended to write out in detail every single act of sex (kitty face, meow) but the chapter was getting long enough as it is and I'm sick and tired (sweat drop). So, it didn't turn out to be such a graphic lemon after all…but I'm still relatively proud of the chapter overall. I hope everyone can appreciate Shigure's love of both Akito and Hatori. Poor Shi-Chan…being bi is hard enough, especially when you really truly love both a man and a woman at the same time. On top of that, it takes a lot to admit one relationship won't work out, no matter how much you want it to. I know from personal experience.

Wow…three out of thirteen zodiac members freed…I wonder if anymore will be released in this story? MwaHaHaHaHaHaaaaa!

And…to help encourage myself to write another chapter before the end of the calendar year, I am giving you all permission to track me down and haunt me if I don't get chapter 17 up before September 1st.

Well…ttyl! !!Mokimo over and out!!


	17. I'd Still Love You

http(colon)(slash slash)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch

AN: (saddened face) Hello everybody! Dunno why I'm kind of sad…well, I do kinda know why…life has been being a bitch…but hey, in the words of our beloved Shigure: "Que será será!" ne? This chapter is kinda the aftermath of Shigure's decision on how to deal with Akito. Mostly a filler to build up to some really important stuff that's coming up. ((And I got it up in JUNE!! That's WAY before September! Go me!!))

Watch the following lovely video on Shigure's serious side. It's not by me, but I think it's lovely and kinda fits in with the story. I'm working on one of my own though. Type this into your browser (replacing the appropriate things in the parenthesis):

http(colon)(slash slash)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?v(equal sign)WLtEs-axJ-4

Features the song Tears and Rain.

Hatori's Hidden Heartache

Chapter 17

_I'd Still Love You_

**.:. Yuki's P.O.V .:.**

An unbroken, albeit, quite disheveled, Shigure enters the dining area. I seem to be the only one to see him at first, Hatori is sitting at the table, facing the opposite direction. Kyo is helping Honda-San bring over the stew and other things she prepared.

Suddenly, Honda-San turns and sees Shigure. With a surprised gasp, she promptly drops the pot of stew she's holding. Before she can think to apologize, she's running up to Shigure's side.

"Shigure-San! There's b…b-b…bl—BLOOD! There's blood on your cheek! And…and running down onto your chest!" This certainly catches Hatori's attention quickly; Kyo's attention too, as he runs to stop Honda-San from "flailing."

Hatori scrutinizes Shigure, looking him up and down. He then motions to the table. "Sit. Now."

He looks to Honda-San, to find her somewhat calmed. "Honda-Kun."

"H-Hai?"

"Grab my medical bag for me. It should be in Shigure's room."

"I'm fine…" Shigure tries to intercede. We all turn to tell him off, but Kyo speaks first.

"Shut up." He growls, releasing Honda-San to let her get the medical bag. "You're hurt. Akito was mad, right? So just shut up and let Hatori treat you."

Shigure seems to be struck speechless with surprise, and sits.

A moment later, Honda-San arrives with the medical bag.

"Thank you, Honda-Kun." Hatori says, sitting down next to Shigure.

"Um…Um…Um…"

"I think what Tohru's trying to say is…"

"Yeah, Kyo, I get it, let's leave them alone."

I follow Honda-San and the cat out of the room amidst wailings of "AIEEE! But I should clean up the stew!"

**.:.Hatori's P.O.V .:.**

I start to treat Shigure's cuts and bruises, neither of us saying anything for quite some time.

Finally; "Aren't you going to say anything? Ask anything?" Shigure asks me.

I sigh, looking to the floor. "It's anyone's guess really what Akito all did or didn't do to you. I figured I would give you time to decide what you did or did not want to tell me."

Shigure chuckles softly. "Aya's right. You were always good at saying whatever it is someone needs to hear." He pauses. "Even if we don't _want_ to hear it."

I put away my medical supplies and pause in thought, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Sometimes I wish I was good at something else," I sigh, "like interacting with people."

Shigure looks up at me. "If…If I told you what all went on, I mean, you may be surprised…or upset…and I don't want it to turn out that you…that is…" His eyes shimmer, and I'm taken aback. How do I respond to _that_?

I sigh again, thinking, and finally I respond. "No…no matter what happened, what happens; I'll always love you. No matter the circumstance, I'll still love you. And…well…I suppose that's all that should matter."

Shigure looks up at me, leaning in as if to kiss me. Then his head falls back down, almost into my chest, and he whispers, "I slept with her."

I swear my heart stops for a moment. I don't know what I was expecting to hear, but this definitely wasn't it. This wasn't anywhere close.

"You…you what?"

Shigure gets up from the table and moves across the room. "Well, that isn't the whole truth. 'Cause you see, I've _been_ sleeping with her…it's just…"

I'm taken aback. Sure, I figured Shigure had a sexual history but…but Akito? And well, truth be told, Kana and I had gotten close but we had never actually—I mean, well, Shigure was my first.

"I…see…" I begin, but Shigure turns and interrupts me. He's close to tears.

"I love her, Hatori. And I just feel like such an ass because I love both of you. And now that I've finally realized you're the one I'm supposed to be with, you'll probably leave me."

I take a moment, breathing deeply. "I said…that I would love you…no matter what."

Shigure's quiet for a moment. "I didn't know what to do…the way she reacted caught me so off guard…but we made a deal." He looks up at me then, determination in his eyes. "Today was our…our last time. I promised to be only hers today so that she would never bother you…or me…again. We're free, Hatori. Free from the zodiac and free from Akito's wrath. You never have to go back again."

I hear a sharp intake of breath, betraying the children's presence.

"Oy! Children, come and see Daddy Shigure!"

I smirk at Shigure as the children walk in.

"We, we didn't mean! That is uh…um…" Honda-Kun starts, blushing madly, looking to Shigure, and then myself, and then Shigure again.

There's a moment of silence and finally Kyo yells out—

"Oh, screw it!" And takes Honda-Kun in his arms.

Nothing happens…

Shigure and I look to each other, eyes open wide. Yuki seems mildly surprised, but not altogether taken aback.

Shigure looks to me and then smiles. "Actually, that explains a lot."

I smile and end up laughing. It's been awhile since I really laughed. It feels good. Soon everyone is smiling and laughing and just, well, happy. I watch a very embarrassed Honda-Kun yell at Kyo for a bit before melting back into his arms; I also watch Shigure and Yuki engrossed in discussion in the corner. I smile, content to watch over them, happy to see that nothing could truly wipe those smiles away. They, we, will all keep shining…because no one has enough force to re-freeze all the melted snow. I sigh, laughing a bit again, and know that tonight I will dream of a dog, a seahorse, a rat and a cat, all celebrating together under the sun.

AN: Okay….so this chapter was a LOT different in my head. This like major-ly changes how I was setting up the story…hm… But I like it XD So screw my original plan. After all, the best laid plans of mice and men… It doesn't change the really important stuff. So see y'all in chapter 18 XD


	18. Christmas Special

Hatori's Hidden Heartache  
Christmas Special

Author's notes: I originally posted this on my DA page (see link in profile) for my friend Imawaffle's Christmas contest last year. However, since Kitty Jinxter was asking about this story I thought I would add-in this side story for all of you while contemplating continuing/posting the main story line. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Italics: flashback

~*~

Shigure needed to come up with a plan, and fast. It was nearly Christmas and he had no idea what to get Hatori. Things had been…strained, as of late, considering what had happened between him and Akito.

_"I slept with her." Shigure said. "Well, that's not it really…you see, I've been sleeping with her…but… -"___

_Hatori sat back, stunned.___

_"And I feel like such an ass because I love both of you!" Shigure continued, "and now that I know it's you I'm meant to be with, you'll probably leave me."_

He knew he needed to prove to Hatori that he was the only one he wanted to be with. Hatori had said he would love him forever no matter what…but Shigure felt he should prove the same was true for him.

Shigure took one of his frequent breaks from novel writing to tune into the radio. Soon his ears were filled with Christmas music. More devious than ever, Shigure realized he had his plan.

~*~

Hatori walked into the house after a frazzling day of job interviews. Though he had been a doctor for years, he had never had a job on the "outside" and given the state of things, he may never procure one. With a sigh, Hatori pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache and took off his shoes. He was about to call out "I'm home," when he discovered the note on the door – "I don't want a lot for Christmas." It was in Shigure's handwriting. Curious, Hatori walked into the room cautiously.

Hatori was greeted with another note on the stairway. "There's just one thing I need." Hatori stood back for a moment, puzzled. This wasn't like Shigure at all. Shigure was usually a bit selfish, if not childish, when it came to presents. Worried now, Hatori ascended the stairs.

~*~

Shigure bustled around the bedroom frantically. He knew Hatori would be home soon and he wanted to be prepared. As he prepped himself for Hatori's arrival, he became more and more anxious. Hatori didn't listen to a lot of Christmas music…what if the whole effect was lost on him?

~*~

On the landing of the stairs, Hatori found a third note. "I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree." Slightly disturbed and highly suspicious, Hatori headed for the bedroom with increased speed. On the door to the bedroom, he found what seemed to be the last note. "Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is…"

Hatori searched frantically for another note, but none were nearby. Slowly he opened to the bedroom door to find Shigure on the bed, wearing nothing but a devilish smirk.

~*~

"You." Shigure stated: both to finish the song and to answer the confused look on Hatori's face. He gave a sigh of relief and anticipation when, with a smirk of his own, Hatori undressed and got into bed himself.

~*~  
Fin  
~*~


End file.
